The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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