the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
