My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
True college students do jello shots in the library
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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