I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
