I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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