Midget sex pt 2 tonight
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Randomize
