i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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