Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
