What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
