he wants to bone in the snuggie
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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