you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
