The beer is more important than you right now.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
