I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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