but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
