You're a womanizer and a bitch.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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