Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
