if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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