Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
