When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
