Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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