do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
