my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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