No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
