Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
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