Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
His hands were made for my vagina.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
