okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
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