That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
