I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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