goodnight i made you a song goodbye
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
