Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
