So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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