Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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