Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
