I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Randomize
