just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
