dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
