if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You are the jesus of drinking
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
