Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
