I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
