I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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