I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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