Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
