Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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