Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Four minutes until I can fart!
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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