can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
