they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
being pregnant is like rehab
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
