The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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