I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
