shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
