I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
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